Thursday, January 17, 2008
vexed.

JC? or POLY? JC? or POLY?

maybe i should cast my fate to the flower petals and let them decide.
*begins plucking petals of some rose while chanting "poly, jc, poly, jc..."*

or perhaps i should try singing Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.

i feel ridiculous. up till now, i haven't even made a definite decision about my next step in life and results would be out in another 1 or 2 weeks.

being in ijc for the past 3 weeks have been really enjoyable and i do like jc life. i wanna challenge myself and push myself to the limit. i wanna be brave and face the harsh and rigorous college life.

but fear holds me back. fear of failure, fear of incapability and incapacity, fear of drifting away from close buddies if they move on to poly, fearing of losing sanity.

those fears would push me in the poly direction where stress levels are not as high. what's more, no more dreadful chinese language! that's an big pull factor.

meanwhile, with the remaining time i have left to decide, i will think hard.
oh Lord, where do u want me to go?